"All my hopes and expectations:
Looking for an explanation.
Have I found my destination?"

Saturday, 19 March 2011


I love sunny days. I can have a beer in the middle of the day without feeling particularly bad about it. As long as I drink it in the garden. That’s my strange philosophy. If it’s warm enough to sit in the garden and drink a beer then the fresh air counteracts some of the bad effects of the alcohol. I do usually stick to just the one. Especially if it’s not really all that warm and I end up pretty much downing the bottle before running back into the warmth of the kitchen…

Having not written anything for nearly a week I would feel guilty ending this after the above paragraph. So I’ll continue on for a bit. Hopefully without mentioning alcohol.

This week I’ve had a lot on my mind and not been sleeping particularly well. Things are different though. Much improved. I’m still not 100% comfortable talking about things but I’m so much better than I was. Depending on the situation anyway. Certain people make me feel more comfortable talking than others do. But not necessarily the people I would have expected…

Still feeling a bit lost though. Not sure what my next step is and until I figure it out I feel as if I'm going round in circles.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Exponential Increases

How is it that the noise made by kids grows exponentially with the number of kids present? When Sophie’s at school and it’s just me and James in the house it’s relatively peaceful. Never quiet; but peaceful. When she’s home it gets pretty loud pretty quick. And when we have children visiting: well…

Saturday, 12 March 2011


I just spent my evening watching the BBC film The Edge of Love, which reignited my love of Dylan Thomas’ poetry. I looked up a few online, surprised at how many I remembered. Really ought to get a book… Anyway, I came across one that I’d never heard, as I know I’d have remembered this:

There was an old bugger called God,
who got a young virgin in pod.
This disgraceful behaviour
begot Christ our Saviour,
who was nailed to a cross, poor old sod.

[It might not have actually been written by Dylan, but he certainly loved to quote it!]

Friday, 11 March 2011

Wedding Dance

Got a lot on my mind today, for once not my own issues… Gonna keep this short and sweet and just post a video I came across this evening. I’ve so got to do this if I get married (",)

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Poor Judoon :(

Ok. After yesterday’s post I think I ought to try writing a bit earlier before the temptation of alcohol kicks in. Or rather, before the alcohol itself kicks in…

Today’s been … good. Good conversation, good food, (good glass of sparkling rose), good behaviour from the boy. I could go on listing ‘good’ things but I shan’t.

Instead I am going to write about something I’m thankful for on many occasions as a result of living with small children.

PVA glue.

Before I had kids I hadn’t realised quite how versatile PVA is. In the last four years I’ve used it to re-hem curtains (I suck at sewing and had run out of wonderweb), reattach torn wallpaper, seal doors on toy cars (thus preventing small boys pulling them off and losing them) and to generally add that extra bit of ‘stick’ when needed to a number of things around the house. That’s not to mention the fun we have with it when doing craft.

Today it saved the life of a Judoon Captain. His leg had been torn off during a battle with a Dalek and Mickey Smith. He’d been left alone to die; his right leg unceremoniously hidden down the back of the sofa. With just a small drop of glue and a long enough recuperation/drying time he should make a full recovery. Although, as I had to use a fine file to roughen up the joint a bit before applying the glue, his right leg is now slightly shorter than his left… Sorry Captain!

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Red Red Wine

Today I’m liking how the short-term effects of wine drinking include making problems seem insignificant.

I also quite like how drinking the wine quickly makes the room spin when I stand up too fast.

Tastes pretty damn good too.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011


Things that made me happy today:

  • Getting woken up just 5 minutes before my alarm
  • James riding his new bike
  • Realising I have more money this month than I thought
  • therefore being able to order ice cream (and Port) as part of my tesco delivery
  • Mini nature walk with a special 2 year old
  • Yummy lunch with brilliant friends
  • Pancakes

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Lost dog...

Skipped yesterday as I felt crap and went to bed early. Don’t know why I bothered though.

James spent his first night away from home last night (stayed at Grandma’s). Apart from being cross that I wasn’t there to cuddle him when he woke up at 4am he was fine. I got loads and loads of extra squeezy cuddles today: think maybe he missed me a bit J

Took the kids to the park this afternoon. Didn’t stay for long as James needed a poo (brilliant timing – such a man!) but in the time we were there Sophie managed to ‘lose’ her new dog. She’s adamant he was in the seat on the back of her bike when we got there (I’m pretty sure she’s right) but he was gone when she got back on her bike to leave. Very proud of Sophie though: instead of dissolving into tears when she realised her newest toy had gone she managed to reason that if anyone thought he was special enough that they wanted to take him, he’d be really well looked after now. She’s getting so grown up!

Friday, 4 March 2011


Skipped a day yesterday, struggling with motivation today too. Been told to “just start writing and see what comes out” – here goes:


Ok, seriously, why am I struggling with this? I’m happy. I’ve had a good day. I’m just not in the writing ‘mood’. I certainly hope that’s not gonna turn out to be linked! If I can only get my mind focused on writing when I’m feeling low then I really need to reconsider my future plans. I certainly don’t want to go back to feeling like I did, but to have to consider getting a ‘proper’ job long-term..? That’s depressing :-(

Try harder woman!


The park: yes! The park was fun. Took Jimmy to the park this afternoon and he had a great time running around with his friends.

Oh, and I’m talking. Might not sound like much but I’ve always struggled to express myself verbally. In writing I’m fine, but out loud… This week though I’ve actually surprised myself on a number of occasions by both the nature of the conversations I’m having and the confidence in which I can hold them. It’s all good!

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Favourite Toy

I love my kids. They drive me up the wall and make me want to tear my hair out sometimes (not as often these days though) – but I wouldn’t change them for the world.

Sophie’s had a bit of a stroppy afternoon but she ended her day by giving me the biggest cuddle I’ve had in a long time, telling me that she loves me so much and thanking me for not getting cross with her when she was whingey. Actually says a lot about how things have changed in our house over the past few weeks.

James’ current bedtime routine involves me having to ask him set questions (at the right time, in the right order) before he’ll be ready to settle.

“Do you want your music on?”

“Are you taking any toys to bed with you tonight?”


That’s as far as I got tonight. He grabbed me and said he was keeping me as I’m his favourite toy. Took a while to escape: he’s getting really strong!

Tuesday, 1 March 2011


Spent a lot of last night writing a long email so didn’t even think about blogging until I was in bed. Quick post this morning then to make up for it…

Spent a good portion of yesterday thinking about how blessed I am by friendships I have. I don’t have many friends but those that I do have are certainly special. The last couple of weeks have reinforced that fact in my mind. Whether they are friends that I have known since school or ones I have made in the past year or so; they mean the world to me.

Had James’ parents’ evening yesterday too. Everything positive – pretty much what I expected if I’m honest. He’s getting referred for speech therapy though, hasn’t got the hang of his ‘s’ and ‘t’ sounds in particular. Anyone who doesn’t know that his sister is called Sophie would be completely stumped if he tried to tell them…